Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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