I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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