So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
