I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I believe in your delicious
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
