I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
