We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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