Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
