did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
