was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
