I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
