He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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