Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He kissed a someone with a penis
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
