ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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