Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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