She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
