Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
