i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
