I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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