wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
