remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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