best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
