You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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