It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
