I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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