remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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