my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
God I need to hump something, right now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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