Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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