at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
