My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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