I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
