she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
