Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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