very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
