This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
