Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
should my penis look like a turkey
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
