forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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