super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
