i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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