Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
