So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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