he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
