dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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