It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
