Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
