Everything about him screamed your future.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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