she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
where are you?
Hypothermia
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
