If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
