My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
