if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
