you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
