what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
