The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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