I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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