Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
